I have been thinking about how I treat myself lately. How well do I love myself, take care of myself, forgive myself? I began thinking how well do I care for myself in the small ways, the ways we think don't really matter?
I was getting a manicure on summer vacation. Now, a little back story, I have sensitive skin, my skin can get dry in the winter and I get hang nails often. I had recently had a hang nail, and I yanked it off, leaving my finger in bad shape. It was staring right at me under the bright lights of the manicurists table top.
As I sat there looking at my injured finger, I realized, that this is how I treat myself. Instead of nurturing my hang nail, moisturizing my hands and nails, and using my tools to remove the hang nail....I ripped it off, leaving myself wounded and vulnerable.
It may seem a little dramatic to compare how you love yourself to a a hang nail gone wrong, but it just hit me like lightening. I expect myself to take it, swallow the pain and uncomfortable feelings. To be exposed in a way that is unhealthy for me. I would not want anyone else to feel pain...just me.
Now, I am NOT a victim. I know where this comes from. I have in the past and sometimes still do, take on other peoples pain, discomfort, anger, etc. for two reasons. One, I am highly sensitive and I feel it. It makes me uncomfortable, so I take it on to avoid feeling uncomfortable. And two, I think it is my job to carry the burden of others. Where did I get that idea? I was born with it, and because my Nervous System is wired differently, as a Highly Sensitive Person, it is easy and natural for me to Empathize with others easily. In addition to this natural leaning towards empathizing to others, I also come from a long history of women believing its is necessary to take on the feelings of others....How many of you can relate to this?
I have chosen as an adult to correct this belief. It is a matter of peeling back the layers. Exposing the non truths of who I am, Empowering myself with every layer I uncover.
How do I do that? Empower yourself? It's about being accountable to yourself. The simple act of awareness, comes from vulnerability, allowing yourself to see, being willing to see and then being accountable to yourself for what you see. This action in consciousness, empowers you to stand in your awareness and create change.
Now it is not perfect, and yes, it takes practice. But as you practice, you are building an undeniable fortress in which you live in within yourself. This is the making of your Spiritual Home.
All that from a simple, yet complicated hang nail....